i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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