i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
