piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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