I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
