Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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