shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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