I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
