Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
