It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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