i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
