Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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