peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
