I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I cockslap morals
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
