Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
