so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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