it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize