She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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