walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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