I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
