I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize