I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
