There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize