Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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