its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
