soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
high people should be assigned attendants
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
