There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
