No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
