Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have already put on my inside pants.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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