Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
