i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize