I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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