I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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