On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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