I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
