nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
