Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
