At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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