Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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