what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
