If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
