At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize