i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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