Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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