he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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