turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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