My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
