Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
