Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just puked most of my soul out..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
