did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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