Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
