The maid of honor just puked.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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