all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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