I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
