i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize