Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
