I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
