gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
