sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
