Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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