If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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