Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
