my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
