You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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