Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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