Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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