I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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