Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
