There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
