Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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